girls in green

Meet my mom (Ellen), Charlie's mom (Judy), Charlie's cousin (Gabby) and Charlie's sister (Jessica.) This was Christmas day and they were all dressed in such lovely shades of green.

We had a great time on Christmas Day, with all the family together. Judy did a great job with the meal considering they just remodeled their kitchen and didn't have countertops or a sink!

as promised, peppermint bark

So on Tuesday when I was Howard Hughesing it (or being a hermit, if you need the translation) I peeled five boxes of candy canes in preparation for making peppermint bark. If you haven't ever had peppermint bark, prepare to meet an easy, delicious treat that is so simple to make you can't even believe it.

Here I am in my Santa apron. Now, I only wear this thing at this time of year. And, if you remember, I don't like Santa, but it seemed appropriate while showing you the recipe for peppermint bark. Don't mock. (and please ignore the two bottles of chocolate syrup, the bag or potatoes and assorted other junk on my counter...if you remember, I had a bad morning making this stuff.) (See previous post if you don't remember!) And no, I'm not showing you the bruise I got from running into the open microwave door.

Now, I make five batches of bark, because I give bark to all the relatives and all our neighbors. It's eagerly anticipated by everyone, and because it is so easy to make, I am able to get it done in a short amount of time. And everyone is happy. It takes one package of white almond bark to one box of candy canes.

I peel the candy canes and put them in a gallon ziploc bag. I use my hands to break them into smaller pieces. Then I use the meat tenderizer to smash the candy canes into little teeny tiny pieces. Smithereens. The definition of smithereens: a noun that refers to the dust in to which I smash the candy canes.

I do this on a cutting board, because the sharp broken candy inevitably pierces the bag and I end up with peppermint dust on the board. And it gets sticky. So don't just do it on the counter, unless you like sticky peppermint covered counters. I also wouldn't recommend pounding more than one box of candy canes in the bag, because I have no idea what amount of candy cane smithereens you need for each batch. It could be a cup, it could be more. Who knows?

Break the bark into a couple of big pieces and place in a microwave bowl. Microwave for three minutes. Stir.

Dump your bag of candy cane smithereens into the melted bark. Stir.

Spread onto a wax paper lined cookie sheet. Now, I don't like my bark to be too thick, so spread it thin. It makes it easier to crack later, after it hardens. Place the cookie sheet into the refrigerator or the freezer. It hardens faster in the freezer, but sometimes I don't have that much space. You'll know it's hard when it loses the shiny look.

When it hardens you pull it out and break it into pieces. I use my hands for this, and start at the edges and work my way to the middle. Five batches probably made about three gallon sized ziploc bags full of peppermint bark. But I divided it into smaller bags and put it into sandwich bags and then into gift bags. Using those special holiday bags would be cute too.

Note: I make one batch at a time. Because of freezer and refrigerator space, and because of how many cookie sheets I have, I do one and then another. If I made two batches together, I would need twice as much space. But a warning, you must wash the bowl in between batches. The bark doesn't react well being re-microwaved once it has melted and hardened on the sides of the bowl. Don't think about the chemical make-up too much, just wash the bowl. Trust me.

Now, Williams-Sonoma makes a really great bark if you don't want to make it yourself. Theirs has a milk chocolate layer underneath, which makes it more Andes mint flavored, but nonetheless wonderful. You could probably make the two layer peppermint bark if you tried, but I haven't yet and can't speak to the ease.

cry today, bake tomorrow

So today I cried in the shower. Actually, the shower is my favorite place to cry. Something about the way it's already wet in there, and I'm all alone. There's no one running to get me a tissue or try to calm me down. It's just me and the shower tiles. No one is trying to make me stop, or worry that my crying will distract someone or wake them up. I don't have to worry about my makeup or my clothing or where the tissues are. It's a private place to let all my frustrations out and then wash them all away. Down the drain and swept to a whole other place.

Why did I cry? Hmmm. Complicated answer. I watched Julie & Julia this morning, and while I loved the story (what foodie wouldn't? cooking and blogging all wrapped up in one!) there were certain moments that touched the cry button. Like the fact that Julia Child couldn't seem to have children. It's not obviously mentioned in the film...in just two small moments. One where Julia and her husband are walking through the park in front of Notre Dame and she notices a mother pushing a stroller, and her husband pulls her closer and her expression is pained. The other moment is when her sister sends her a letter saying she is pregnant, and Julia bursts into tears. I could identify with those moments. Fleeting as they are, in film and in real life, women who are touched by infertility feel them acutely. This great woman, with all these accomplishments under her belt, wanted children. And did not have any. Makes my small life feel larger somehow. If someone that talented couldn't do it, I shouldn't feel so badly about not procreating either.

But, I got out of the shower and tried to pull on a new attitude. I got in the kitchen to make peppermint bark (post about those details to come later) and attempted to channel both Julia and the Pioneer Woman. Cooking and taking photos. So I take the warm melted bark out of the microwave and stir in the crushed candy canes. Then I walk around the island to where I have placed the cookie sheet. And I run smack dab into the still open microwave door. With my shoulder. Small amounts of bark go flying, and I start crying again. It hurt. Badly. I know I will have a bruise later.

So I'm crying and spreading bark and the dog is barking and I wonder how people get over the bad things that happen to them. Yes, I know sometimes people do bad things to themselves, but I'm not really talking about a drug addiction or being the victim of something horrible. Infertility happened to me. I didn't do it to myself. And how do I really get over it? Get past it? I think an obvious fix will come when we adopt a baby. I won't be able to dwell on being childless when we are no longer childless. That makes sense. But in the meantime, what do I do? How can I be proactive? When we were filling out all the paperwork, I had something to work on, to accomplish. Then we were putting the nursery together, and that gave me purpose. What is my purpose now?

To wait, I guess.

Ugh.

I've said it before, I really try and have a good outlook on all this. I try SO HARD. But the truth is that all that trying wears me out eventually. All the good attitudes and positive spirit are hard to hold up indefinitely. My smiling drama mask slips and the halo tilts and if you're looking right at the right time, you'll see one selfish human underneath. I want. I need. I can't have.

Pity party, table of one.

So tell me, all of you who read this blog, how do I lift my head and keep walking? What are the prayers I should pray? Any ideas for one who is just trying to keep her head above water? I know it's okay to grieve and mourn and be sad on occasion, but I'd like to come out of this a much better me. One who has learned a lesson about something. And I think I'm so far in it that I can't see what the lesson is. I can't see the forest for the trees.

i conquered curling ribbon

What tends to happen over break is that I have tons more time to blog because I am home from work. But most of you have less time, cause your kids are home with you. And you are entertaining them, not worrying about your blogs. Plus, it's Christmas, so there's that keeping everyone busy.

But I thought I would share a few more of my favorite ornaments. This one is from when I was little, and it certainly is retro looking. But I love how baby Jesus, Joseph and Mary are looking all cuddled up in the stable.

This is one of the other ones that I like, one of my more recent purchases. I think I shared before that I like to find one or two unique ornaments each year to add to my collection. I like an eclectic look, not so matchy-matchy. And I love ornaments as presents. Especially if they have sparkles or glitter.

And I love that this picture is so in focus that you can see the dust on top. Yup. But I like the way the silver sparkles reflect the different colors of the lights. So pretty.

And, this just in, I finally learned how to curl ribbon for the top of presents. I have never been able to do this. Really. I end up with flat stringy ribbons. Truly. I tie the ribbons and then hand them to Charlie to curl. But last night we went over to some friends' house and I learned how to do it! My friend Bethany is a master at it, and I can finally do it! I curled ribbon for several of her presents and I did a good job. I wish I had a picture of it, but I don't. She was so surprised that I couldn't do it, since she thinks I am so crafty, but it was just something I could not do. It's a random skill, I know. And now I can curl with the best of them.

It's a little victory. But a victory nonetheless.

snowed in...

So when the weatherman calls for snow and you live in North Carolina, you do one of two things: ignore him or run out and buy bread and milk. It's funny here in the middle, where winter really isn't too bad and in the summer you can actually be outside. But when we do get that random winter storm, there's a panicked mentality. Suddenly, the local Harris Teeter has no milk left and the TV runs a constant bar across the bottom telling you all the things that are closed.

I managed to get this shot of the reindeer in our front yard. There are 14 others that are blurry, but this one's not bad!

The Thursday forecast called for the snow to start Friday at noon. This was our last day of school before break and our principal was determined to get us through it. We did not want a day to make up, and in reality, when the weather people say it will start at noon, that really means three. Or not at all. They don't have the best track record with snow. Anyway, the principal decided we would go half day and get everyone out around one. Okay.

But get this: it actually started at noon. The fluffy flakes were coming down, down, down and parents started showing up to get their kids. By one when we were dismissing, half the school was already gone and I was packing up all the gifts I had received to lug to my car. I called home and sure enough, the husband said we needed to get to the store! Normally, my drive home takes about 1o minutes, but everything was dismissing early, so the roads were gridlocked. When I finally arrived, we jumped in the car and went to the store to get supplies for the weekend and next week.

It kept snowing. And snowing. All in all, I think it must have been something like six inches by 9 that evening when we put in a movie. We rented a movies (Tom Hanks in Angels & Demons) and were snuggled up on the couch enjoying our night. In the movie, Tom and his female co-star are pounding on the door of some Vatican office and someone pounds on our front door! To say that we jumped is an understatement. It was our neighbor telling us that everyone was out in the street sledding and we should come out.

I jumped up and put on a pair of pajama pants, a sweatshirt and my coat, boots and gloves. Charlie laughed at my pants, but I don't have a pair of snow pants, and I didn't want to wear jeans. Jeans get wet and stay wet. I ran outside and found the group of people trying to sled. I say trying, because you can't sled on a newly fallen snow. It has to get packed down first. I knew this, but went outside anyway. I had a good little laugh at this, because as a good Alaska girl I know all about sledding. Sleds with rails aren't good unless you have ice. What is really needed is a piece of hard plastic that will slide over the snow. Which we didn't have. The best thing someone had was a boogie board, and I wasn't offered a ride on that. Plus, turns out our neighbor was drunk. She kept shouting that she was glad I came outside.

All this went on and Charlie was still inside putting on clothes. I popped back in and told him what was going on, so we just took a walk around the block in the snow, looking at the Christmas lights before making it back inside to finish our movie. It's a really good movie, by the way. Much better than the DaVinci Code.

So, we braved going to Kohl's yesterday and did some shopping, but our street is really icy and we can't get up our driveway. It'll melt soon enough, but for now we're just enjoying our movie collection and football. The dogs love the snow and so they have had fun, too. It's just funny how here in the middle there is such a panic over the weather. You have to know that somewhere in Canada there are people laughing at us.

Yup. They're laughing.

peppermint candles are yummy...

So, one of my favorite finds this year has been the Twisted Peppermint candle from Bath and Body Works. Last year, they made Twisted Peppermint foaming hand soap, which was my favorite thing ever. This year, THEY DID NOT MAKE IT! I was so upset, when I went on Black Friday, that they did not have it. They made the TP bubble bath for kids, but not the hand soap.

But the candle is amazing. And not just pretty. The smell is fantastic and wonderful and spreads through the entire house. According to the label it has some fancy kind of scent that is intensified and smells up the house quickly. I don't have to burn it for very long before I'm feeling Christmasy and wishing for a candy cane.

So, although they are a little pricey for candles (reg price $19.99) but I caught them on sale for two for $20. They would make a great gift for someone who likes their house to smell very holiday-y. Yes, that's a real word.

On another note, two more school days left until VACATION! Yes.

freezing cold field trip...

Okay, today Charlie and I took a field trip to our local Target center to take some Christmas card photos. He was tired of all the in-house photos we had taken in year's past, and thought one out and about would be more fun this year. I have to agree that after seeing them, I really liked his idea.

It was, however, very cold. We took our tripod and set it up and we were only out there for a few minutes, but my hands were like ice when we finally got back in the car. I was wearing my cute coat for the picture, but my gloves are really in my carpool coat that I wear so I won't freeze at school.

So, for all of you who I don't know in real life, and don't have your address or know your last name, here is my internet card to you. Merry Christmas to all of you! Yes, I know it's two weeks early, and maybe I should save this for later, but here it is. I did manage to order my cards online today, and will hopefully get them in a timely manner to get them mailed out. Although, I don't think anyone will mind if the cards get there a little bit late. Does anyone really care if the card arrives on the 27th or the 22nd? Do people keep tabs on that sort of thing?

If you do, don't tell me...